Where to begin...

You know how you pray for something that you want with all your heart, asking God to perform miracles only He can perform? Yet at the end of it you pray that His will be done because He is the one with wisdom and who is all knowing? And after all that you ask Him for the strength to trust and endure in the case that He does require you to go through the rough patch? Yeah...

Last week, after years of praying for a miracle, the Lord made it clear what His will was. His word undeniably laid out what God wanted me to do in my current complicated situation. While knowing, without a doubt, what God wants you to do should be a joyous moment after wondering for so long...it was in reality, the hardest thing I ever had to do thus far in this life. I knew what God told me to do, I knew it was what I had to do, and it was the last thing I ever wanted to do...because it ripped my world completely to shreds.

I prayed for courage to do the Lord's will like I've never prayed before and I honestly was not sure if I would have the strength to do what God had said. It makes me think of David and Goliath. David was so small, so young, so unequal in strength to Goliath...wasn't battle worn, carried no powerful sword. Imagine God calling you to fight a a huge experienced literal giant and all you have is a couple of stones. I'd be shaking in my boots, half walking towards the battle and half trying to figure out how to escape. This is how I felt last week. Dreading the moment where I'd have to carry out His will. But just as David faced up to Goliath, I faced up to my "giant" as well...and just like David, it had absolutely nothing to do with my strength...it was all God.

This event in David's life ended in great victory and this is where our stories differ. I knew that by facing my metaphorical giant, that it either meant great victory and joy or great pain and consequences (hence the fear in the first place). Sadly, it wasn't tears of joy that rolled down my cheeks.

Yet despite all the pain and fear and unknown and the overwhelming reality of everything...I felt like a monumentous burden had been lifted off my back. A load that I wasn't even aware I was stumbling under. That unexplainable peace? That flooded in too. In the face of everything going wrong by the world's definition, and while I was in an immense amount of emotional agony, I felt peace pouring into my soul like a rushing waterfall. Why? How? Because I had followed God's command. Even though I didn't want to, even though I knew it would cause my world to come crashing to the ground, God gave me the courage to do His will, just like He promised and He gave me His unexplainable peace, just like He promised.

I wish I could end this story with a cheerful ending...but alas...I cannot. But have hope! For this story does not yet have an ending and as I stated in the beginning, we serve a God who does miracles when He deems them appropriate and He may choose to bestow His mercy upon this situation still. In the meantime, though my heart is aching as its never ached before...though my day to day life is more unknown and unpredictable than ever before...and though I do not know where the Lord may lead me next...be encouraged!

God gave me the courage to do His will, regardless of the outcome. He gave me such a perfect peace despite being thrown about in an emotional storm. Even now as I lose my mind in limbo, HE IS THERE! Oh how He is growing and stretching me! How much more I trust Him and lean on Him each day! And how He blesses me! I have wise biblical counsel at my disposal, a church that preaches the truth and encourages, friends and family who are there for me not only by phone, or by person, but spiritually and financially. I have people spending time with me, helping with the kids, cooking me meals, being a phone call away, encouraging me in the word, PRAYING for me...the list goes on and on.

BE ENCOURAGED for the Lord will not foraske you. Doing His will may cause the world to turn it's back on you but God is there and He will give you the boldness, the strength, the peace, and encouragement and fellowship you need. He truly does supply all of our needs and much much more!

I am still hurting and the battle is raging minute by minute but I have hope because I know who my God is and I know He is with me. I still pray for the miracle but I know that the Lord will take care of me and my girls no matter what. What an AWESOME God we serve.