Wow.

You know those scenes in movies where someone falls asleep in public and when they wakeup, they have pen or something on their face? They walk around and everyone points and laughs and the character is TOTALLY oblivious and you squirm in your seat because it's so embarrassing for them that it's uncomfortable for you? I am that person with some kind of mark on their face. These last couple years I have been utterly blind to what the rest of the world could see. They always say "love makes you blind" but I never thought it was possible. Never thought I could be so clueless. Such a fool.

Perhaps my pride is welling up.

Truly...it has been one of those nights. More dirt fell into my lap and I just want to wash it all away.

(That sentence is deeper than it sounds.)

Oh Lord...understanding why You've chose THIS specific trial for me to go through...I will never understand. I see the growth that has come, the closeness, the maturity, but I will never know why You didn't use something different. Your ways are definitely not my ways. But I know that You never make mistakes and that You've promised to use this hurt for my good and You NEVER break Your promises. Help me to trust You. You're the only one I can trust...