When you are submerged in the murky and frightening depths of a trial...wow. I mean, Ialways seem to find myself in a constant battle from minute to minute, hour to hour. One minute I am trusting in the Lord despite my overwhelming circumstances and I have this crazy unexplainable peace and then BAM! I'm back to feeling my hands slip, my grip disappearing and the fear of falling into a deep black pit of depression below me. (Right now I'm in the weird but TOTALLY welcomed peaceful state).
What stops me dead in my tracks is the fact that God cares so much. It's like I'm a little child learning how to do something new and God is like "Okay Martel, now trust me. Do it just like this. Perfect!" and I'm doing great and then I get distracted and try and do it my own way and fall completely flat on my face. But my loving Father is like, "That's alright, you're growing, okay let me show you again. There you go!". Seriously...that's my day. When I'm at peace, it's when I finally give it to God and stop trying to control/predict my world and future. When I'm gasping for air and about to give up...that's when I made the decision (usually without realizing it) to do it on my own without God.
I WISH I could always do exactly as God tells me. I WISH I could trust and follow Him perfectly. It's like I KNOW what I am supposed to be doing but when all these random objects come flying at me, I get confused and distracted and lose sight of Him.
I don't know if this is making any sense (I'm pretty much just rambling) but my point is this: REPEATEDLY God shows me how I weak I am without Him and how strong I can be with Him. And I am in awe. I am sooooooooooo incredibly, pitifully, digustingly weak. You could walk up to me and poke me with your teeny tiny pinky finger and I would go flying type of WEAK. But with the Lord...I can withstand any storm. When I allow Him to help me...I am blown away by how strong I can be and I KNOW it's not anything that has to do with me.
I guess...I am simply THANKFUL for God always being there to help me if I ask. Without Him...man. Without Him I wouldn't even be here right now. Maybe this will help keep me focused the next time I get distracted...remind me to just ASK GOD. Yeah...I don't deserve a Father like this...none of us do...but how blessed are we that He loves us anyway?!
Monday, July 11, 2011
It's insane how weak I can be but how strong God can make me...
Posted by release.refresh.renew at 10:29 PM
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1 comments:
Hi Martel,
Such an encouraging post. You say so simply what people so chaotically feel. I guess that is the simple love of God shining through you! I just got back from Yosemite - wish you guys were there. We got a copy of the messages and I think you would enjoy listening to them. It's about running the Race and enduring in it. We must fix our eyes on Jesus, as without Him, we are weak and lose our strength to keep running, as you reminded us. I know what it's like to slow down in the Race and want to take a break and stop running, but we must keep on!!! Keep running - daily, hourly, whatever it takes, just keep your eyes on Jesus! I'll be praying for you and your family. I hope you guys find yourselves happy in Him! Thanks for the encouragement :)
Love,
Heather
"For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls." -Hebrews 12:3
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